Midget on a pink bike

I want to start this off that I have nothing against midgets or dwarves or anyone else shorter then what most consider normal. With that said let the story commence.

I work for a newspaper and occasionally I like to leave my desk for breaks because it is summer time and it is fairly nice outside and well being stuck at a desk full of papers is kind of boring. On this one occasion though I am coming back from my walk and I see this female midget on a pink bike stop in front of the back of the building. Said midget is in her late 30's or early 40's from what I could tell and looks like she could use a shower because maybe she fell into a mud puddle along the way or something. I just figure that because she is short and a mud puddle may seem fairly deep to her. To me a mud puddle only normally goes up to my ankles maybe a little higher and I am 5' 10" tall so that is very little proportionally to my height, but to her it may seem like a small pond.

So she has stopped in the back of our building near the smoking area and gets off her bike and props it against a pole that holds up an awning. I want to point out there are about 4 other people outside as well just having conversations and not paying attention at all to what is about to happen. The midget then goes over to the ashtray outside and lifts the plastic cover where you drop the butts into what I think is a sand pit and starts looking for cigarettes that have enough left on them to smoke. This prompts me to slow down and look over and wonder is this really happening? Whats worse about the whole situation is that the other people who are there just casually look over and then turn back to their conversation like this is a completely normal thing. I mean seriously normal to them, like hey I came to the water fountain and I am going to drink some of this wonderful water. All I can think at this point is "OMG grungy midget with smoking fetish stealing cigarette butts!"

I think just the fact that everyone else thought this was normal was the most horrifying thing of all. Just like ya midgets come around and steal my cigarette butts all the time so they can smoke em. Then I got to thinking what if this is the only way she feels comfortable smoking cigarettes. Maybe regular cigarettes are just to long for her to fully smoke and presmoked ones are the right size for her. Then I also got to thinking that this could end up with a business opportunity. I could start making cigarettes for midgets. I could call em Mini Marbs. I would make millions and become famous in the midget community because now they had cigarettes that would fit their lifestyle. Of course this could be a problem for the midgets who like to fit in with society and smoke the full size cigarettes, but fuck em this is for the midgets who want to be unique.

So I walk back into work and I have to relay this story back to my coworkers. They are all like oh ya the midget I have seen her before and ya she does that with the cigarette butts. My best friend also turns around and goes oh ya she has a boyfriend too and I have seen him lift her into a garbage can to get a can of beer. Then they sniffed the can of beer and figuring it was still good started drinking the contents of it. I just have no words for this at all at this point. I am kind of in awe that these people exist and have been roaming behind our building for a long time and everyone but myself knew about them. It makes it so I want to put a camera in the back of the building so I can watch them when they come by for a good laugh now and then. Eventually I guess I will be lulled into the same sense of "Oh hey its the midget on the pink bike again here to get her minature cigarettes from our ash tray"

Funny thing is today my friend comes back up from his break today and goes to me, I think I understand what was going on with your story the other day. Now this of course confused me because I go through a million stories per day with him because I am hyper and crazy, so I had to decipher what he meant by it. So the first thing I said was, "Oh the Borders story?" "No dude the midget story" "Oh so the midget was outside again and you didn't tell me?" Needless to say I was highly disappointed because I really wanted to see a midget on a pink bike today and it would have brightened my day, but he failed and now I have that feeling I missed out. So now I am going through this day wondering where I can find a midget in the city just so I can also say I saw a midget today. I think I am getting close to putting an ad on craigslist at this point just to see what happens.

Update: I just recently spotted the midget while driving into work this morning heading over to the back of the building and I had a little more time to observe what she was up to today. She again lifted the little plastic thing and started rooting around for a usable cigarette butt. When she found one she placed it in the Tupperware container she was carrying around. Of course she wouldn't want her freshly found cigarettes to get stale. I mean just imagine those freshly picked cigarette butts getting all old and nasty from the elements if she were to leave them out all willy nilly.