It not your fault for packing on that extra weight.

So we all know that Earth spins like a top and rotates around the sun. We also know about global warming and the cold seasons feeling shorter for most of us. I figure that this is probably due to an increased rotation around the sun. For us science geeks and well most everyone you know that if you spin stuff around really fast it will try to get fatter in the middle to put in easy terms. Now you are probably thinking, well how does this deal with my weight issues.

The first theory is that the Earth is speeding up on its trip around the sun slowly. This obviously means gravity is going to want to push things to our wastes just a bit easier. Which also brings about our great straight to the hips argument because that is where everything is going to go. Included in this phenomena is man boobs and women's sagging boobs as we age. I am here to say its not your fault that these things happen its all that rotation around the sun that is fault. Trans fats, high fructose corn syrup, pure lard, ya that is all bullshit its the planet's fault not yours. Seriously don't believe the hype from these crazy nutritionist who claim that whole grains will fix your weight problem or that some crazy atkins diet will pull through for you.

As you can see its quite obvious the world is spinning out of control and squishing our bodies into the roundness it so desires. Maybe Earth got a peak into the bible and starting thinking hey humans were made in God's image, well fuck that if I make em as round as I am then they can start worshiping me because they would look just like me. This is most likely the real reason for the emergence of our rotund friends. Glandular problems that cause obesity are just Earth using other methods other then rotating really fast to cause a change in image to look like it.

Its obvious now that one thinks about it that we may be fighting a losing battle, but I may have a solution to our problem. Since the Earth itself rotates in an Eastward direction we need to counteract this for our own sake. We all don't want to look like mini planets. My proposal is that when jogging we all must jog towards the East to counteract the planets rotation and help our friends and ourselves from the change in appearance to planetary objects. By running East in mass groups we will hopefully force the world to slow down enough so that its rotation slows down and might stop some of the momentum around the sun as well. We should plan these days out in advance so that we could get the maximum slow down potential. I am thinking every other day for at least an hour. I also want to point out we should be bringing a compass to these events so that we can make sure we are heading east. We wouldn't want someone to get confused and head West and screw the whole project up.

I feel only by doing this will we be saved from looking like the planet and its attempt to take over organized religion. Think about yourself and think about your friends and you will see this may be the only hope we have.